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Bitch Details     8/25/2008  
 
 

  MARCH 2010  
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WHY THE OLYMPICS ARE UN-WATCHABLE  by Norm 8/25/2008 at 13:55
I guess the Olympics are over. At least, that's what a few of the headlines I read have led me to believe. I gave up on trying to watch this garbage a long time ago, and it's about time the I.O.C. listen up and at least try to make this shit watchable to the average person.

Firstly, the opening ceremony has turned more and more into a pompous display of culture and ethnicity. We aren't having the games in order to celebrate diversity, yet that is what it has turned into. It's like I'm watching the sick twisted dreams of my Human Resources representative. I am not interested in the slightest in seeing people wearing their traditional garments being marched around the track like entrants in a dog show. I'm also not interested in all of us holding hands around the Olympic flame and singing Kum-Ba-Yah, but that is what it has been reduced to. Isn't there a way we can make this a little more entertaining and a little less like some Broadway production?

Moving along, why the hell isn't this thing on live? Even the coverage that was supposed to be live, and said "live" in the corner, wasn't live. If you go anywhere near a computer you see all the headlines for the events before they even air on T.V. Am I supposed to spend my days sleeping in a cardboard box under the bridge in order to not have the outcomes spoiled by the media? Is it a sign of the apocalypse when you turn on AM radio and get more real-time information than watching satellite television?

Even more annoyance caused by the T.V. coverage: Why the hell are we only seeing (1) event at a time? Most of these events are boring and have lots of setup time involved. Can't we cut to something else and come back to this later?

Another idea I thought would be cool is having normal people try some of the events. These people would be randomly pulled from the crowd and asked to perform various tasks. Imagine a 100m hurdle race with some slob from the stands running in the last lane. Dude barely makes it 1/4 of the way down the track and the Olympians have already finished. That would really put some of this into perspective and make it more exciting... It's all about context. When most of the events are decided by hundredths of a second, and the outcome is invisible to the human eye, shit gets boring fast.

Here's another one: What if in addition to gold medals there were cash prizes? I mean, if there was a million bucks on the line, in addition to National pride, how fucking kick ass would that be? Now suddenly 10 hairless white dudes swimming in a pool seems a tad more interesting. This would be entirely possible if they simply cut the fireworks budget by 10%. I mean, do we really need a 20 minute barrage of explosions in the first place?

The main reason the Olympics are un-watchable: There are apparently no rivalries. If you are going to have the most boring sports ever contrived broadcast on T.V. you need to at least try and sell it a little bit. I'm sure there is some behind the scenes drama that could make it more interesting? Let's get the "my country is better than your country" rhetoric going, inject some hate into this process, and make this shit somewhat entertaining! I mean, wouldn't it be good T.V. to see, I don't know, a Georgian wrestler take on a Russian? How about North Korea vs. South Korea? China vs. Tibet? Israel vs. Iran? The potential is extraordinary. Instead the games are all about peace/love/unity and all that kind of hippy bullshit. Am I the only one that wants to see some fisticuffs in-between events? Wouldn't it be great if they had press conferences so the reporters could bait them into saying provocative shit? With the language barriers the potential for verbal miscues is magnified a thousand fold!

Until the Olympics gets its shit together I am going to have to continue to sit them out.
   

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