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A GLIMPSE INTO THE FUTURE UNDER OBAMA?  by Norm 11/7/2008 at 13:34
Hey Obama supporters: Here's the change you will soon be believing in!
 


DON’T "PULL AN OBAMA"  by Norm 11/4/2008 at 22:02

Let me be the first to say it, I want credit for coining this term!:

"Pulling An Obama" = Unrealistically raising expectations of those around you, then disappointing them over time as a means of torture.

You can also quickly invoke this phrase by simply using "Obama" as a verb, e.g. "I'm going to obama the hell out of these people" or "Dude, you were just totally obama-ed".
 


THE DAY FINALLY CAME  by Norm 11/4/2008 at 20:31










 


OBAMA, PUT THE FLUTE (AND THE PIPE) DOWN!  by Norm 11/3/2008 at 14:16
Obama, you may have successfully lured 1/2 the nation to the very waters you claim to be able to make "recede", but you haven't swayed me with your "holier than Washington" posturing! I see right through your sly smiles and sneaky glances! I'm that one guy left behind, who isn't feeling your tune, and I'm letting everyone I know to plug their ears to your destructive melodies!

I'm not going to make shit up about you to try and keep you down. I don't need to do that. I'm just not going to stand for someone looking me right ...
 


FELINE FRITTERS? ANYONE?  by Norm 10/9/2008 at 10:51
Mmmm... nothing like the smell of fluffy being basted with a nice lemon sauce. Check THIS out! I think eating cats could be an amazing solution to a growing problem in America, feral cats. In hopes that this post sparks an underground movement of Americans willing to solve the feral cat crisis, and take back our streets from these scheming vermon, I offer the following "recipe" for success:

First, you will need a quality cat trap.

I highly recommend opening a can of tuna and using it as bait. Tuna is like meth to ...
 


TASTY ROBO-LOLITA  by Norm 10/7/2008 at 09:44
Check THIS out. I think this shows great progress on our quest to create fuck-able robots. However, I have a list of questions for the Scientists:

1) Why a 5 year old? Do you at least have an alternate dwarf skin available?

2) Why does the doll have to look retarded? Why couldn't it be modeled after, I don't know, Scarlett Johansson?

3) Let's get anatomical. What's she got under the hood? Adjustable openings? Are the parts easily washable? How many inputs, 2? 3?

4) Can we program her to say whatever we want? For example: "My biddies taste like ...
 


CONGRESS, CAN YOU PLEASE REMOVE YOUR COLLECTIVE COCK FROM OUR COLLECTIVE ASSES?  by Norm 9/29/2008 at 14:38
Can someone please tell the Congress and the POTUS to STFU about the economy already? All they are doing by cock-teasing Wall Street with all this "bailout" talk is fucking the market over worse than it already was. I give you EXHIBIT A. For once I actually believe the administration's standard policy of ignoring problems, at least publically, is actually the way to go on this one.

Let's face it, most douchebags in this Country we're already scared to invest their money, now you have Dubya and his partners in crime on T.V. every day talking about ...
 


MMMMM.... MEAT!  by Norm 9/15/2008 at 11:12
Have you ever tried to talk some sense into someone who doesn't eat meat? You'll have the same amount of success as trying explain evolution to a bible-thumper. It's hard to reason with the unreasonable. You'll leave both of these discussions with the thought: "Wow, what an idiot". Science has finally confirmed what we already knew. People who don't eat meat ACTUALLY ARE IDIOTS. It's no longer opinion. It's just plain old-fashioned science.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with cutting back on meat products, for health reasons. Maybe a little less red meat spackled in your colon is ...
 


WHY THE OLYMPICS ARE UN-WATCHABLE  by Norm 8/25/2008 at 13:55
I guess the Olympics are over. At least, that's what a few of the headlines I read have led me to believe. I gave up on trying to watch this garbage a long time ago, and it's about time the I.O.C. listen up and at least try to make this shit watchable to the average person.

Firstly, the opening ceremony has turned more and more into a pompous display of culture and ethnicity. We aren't having the games in order to celebrate diversity, yet that is what it has turned into. It's like I'm watching the sick twisted dreams ...
 


THIS IS HOW DUMB ADVERTISERS THINK YOU ARE  by Norm 7/10/2008 at 15:13
--->

REALLY?

Come on, I'm sure I can get atleast $20 for my car, and maybe a nasty new VD if I try and sell it on Craigslist.
 


WTF IS UP WITH THESE   by Norm 7/8/2008 at 16:12
Seriously, WTF is up with these? Is this really the classiest way to remember people you know who have died? With a sticker on the back of your car? Exactly what is "in memory of" that person anyway? The vehicle? The window? The trip you are on? Did you buy the car with inheritance or something? Is this the death machine that took your loved ones life? Did that person always want a Toyota Camry so you bought one to "honor" their memory?

I'm not following the logic. Normally you put "In Memory Of" on a placard ...
 


THIS STICKER SHOULD BE ON MY FRUIT & VEGGIES  by Norm 6/16/2008 at 09:51
Wouldn't this be great? I mean, I can find lettuce that was grown "organically", with a clever little sticker on it to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So why can't I find a decent piece of vegetation with a "this product was not picked by illegal immigrants" sticker? Wouldn't you pay a little extra to know your tomatoes were picked by hard-working Americans instead of Juan and his amigos? I say it's time to start rewarding honest American farmers who hire legal workers, and if that means paying a little more for their products to ...
 


JENNIFER ANISTON’S DIAMETRIC NEMESIS?  by Norm 6/2/2008 at 15:58

This guy has consistently made the worst hair decisions of any person on this planet. He single-handedly destroys hair trends simply by adjusting his style to what is currently popular. I can see it now, 2 years from now, Billy Ray will be sporting the "Faux-Hawk"--continuing in his tradition of adjusting his hair style to the worst possible trend a few years too late. Can someone please maim this guy so his skanky daughter can have an excuse to take to the pole? Solve 2 problems with 1 dull rusty machete is all I am sayin'.
 


CNN NEEDS TO PUT DOWN THE BONG  by Norm 5/29/2008 at 12:22
Ok, since when did Steven King become a CNN contributor? Is the Government trying to send us coded messages? Is this a message from Al Qaeda to one of the sleeper cells? The first public acknowledgement of Skynet? Are the machines gaining sentience and will they soon have dominion over us all? Is Cris Angel working with scientists on advanced Monkeybot war machines? Ok, Ok, I know I'm being a little sarcastic. I'm just disappointed that monkeys have developed telekinesis before us, that's all...
 


POPE IS WAY TOO PUMPED FOR NEW X-FILES MOVIE  by Norm Mulder 4/19/2008 at 22:13
Just look at this headline. The Pope is obviously way too pumped for the new X-Files Movie.

This actually explains a lot of recent trends in the Catholic church. The Pope obviously believes that alien beings have invaded some within the priesthood, causing these Priests to probe young boys colons and urethras for secret space sauce.

This also explains the Pope's recent visit to the White House. Based on what he has seen on T.V. and from what he has read in the newspapers, the Pope needed to inspect Dubya first-hand to make sure that he wasn't the ...
 


WHY THE F$CK IS EVERYONE DRESSING LIKE VANILLA ICE?  by Norm 4/15/2008 at 14:07
First Jesse James copied Vanilla Ice's look, and now every punk ass kid in the world is dressing like these losers.

Let's start with the headwear. Seriously? A beanie? It's like 100 degrees outside and you are wearing a beanie? Are we going snowboarding, or perhaps climbing a glacier? Then you have those baseball caps with the flat bills. As if that didn't look stupid enough some people actually curl the bill upward. Now you look like your head is stuck up Donald Duck's ass. Brilliant move.

Then you thrown in some $100 torn up jeans, ...
 


I’M RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR  by Norm 3/18/2008 at 15:26
How good is it to be king? Just ask former New York Governor Spitzer, his replacement Paterson, or former NJ Governor McGreevy! All this talk of call girls, three-somes, and affairs has got me thinking! Why the hell am I not a Governor?

As of today, I am announcing that I am running for Governor.

I am accepting applications for secretaries and interns starting tomorrow. Simply send me an email to schedule an appointment!
 


FENG - ARE YOU F’ING KIDDING ME - SHUI   by Norm 2/27/2008 at 12:33
Lately I have been overhearing this new phrase a lot. Feng Shui. I never knew what in the hell people were talking about, or what the word meant until just a few days ago. The curiosity finally peaked and I had to look it up.

Wikipedia, the all knowing truth database of the internet, defines Feng Shui as: "the practice of arranging objects, (such as the internal placement of furniture in an environment,) to achieve harmony with one's environment...Proponents claim that feng shui has an effect on health, wealth and personal relationships".

Are you fucking kidding me? People ...
 


THE MAN WHO MIGHT STEAL THE WORLD  by Norm 1/29/2008 at 10:11
Seriously people, does this dude look like the next President of the United States? President Barack Hussein Obama? Are you all smoking crack? What has this guy ever done besides spew political catch phrases while doing a piss-poor imitation of Martin Luther King Jr? What's next, Barack's "I had a dream too" speech?

Can you name one thing Barack Obama has brought the United States while serving in the Senate in Illinois, or his whole 2+ years as a Senator? Do you know of a single bill he either sponsored or co-sponsored while in the Senate? Do you know ...
 


THE CIRCLE-K LOSER LITMUS TEST  by Norm 1/5/2008 at 14:34
If you go into a Circle-K convenience store and purchase only the following items you are undoubtedly a loser:

1) A 12-pack of Natural Ice (or a 40 ouncer).
2) A few packs of cigarettes.
3) Lottery scratch tickets.

This is a simple litmus test you can perform on yourself, or on the people in line in front of you. It makes identifying losers as simple as possible while standing in line at a convenience store.
 




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