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FEBRUARY 2010

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MORE NBF CAPTIONED PICS by Norm Again	12/7/2005 at 12:55

Mel Gibson grows a beard in order to portray Saddam Hussein in his upcoming epic masterpice "The Passion Of The Spider Hole". "Do you have any idea how hard it is to find flying deer these days?" The Navy hopes that if they pretend to sleep Bush will finally STFU... "OMG, did I remember my tampax this morning?" "Ok Hakmeer, it’s just you and me today. No Saddam. You handle the genocide questions and I will handle mocking the court and blaming the infidels." "No, for reals, you guys never believe me. I’m gonna tell my Daddy ...

THE BITCH TRIFECTA: TAG STICKERS, THE COLBERT REPORT, AND GOING TO THE MOVIES by Norm	12/5/2005 at 10:39

License Plate Tag Stickers Are Not Art: Ok, I realize this is yet another post about license plates and/or vehicle related topics. I will hold off for a while after this one... Here is the deal though people: When you get your new tag stickers in the mail, FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS when putting them on. Do you have any idea how stupid you look when you can’t even put the tags on properly? We (and the cops) have absoultely no need to see every single year you have registered your vehicle. One visible sticker, preferably the newest, is plenty. ...

RENTAL RAMBLINGS by Norm Ebert	12/1/2005 at 10:15

Planning on picking up a DVD on the way home? These are (2) movies you should walk right past. If you have seen the movies or don’t care about spoilers, here are my reviews: The Skeleton Key: Info Where to start, where to start. Ok, for starters, I am suprised to say that Kate Hudson doesn’t ruin this movie.The movie ruins this movie. The story is just plain ridiculous, and PREDICTABLE. I don’t think The Ring was the greatest movie of all time or anything, but I would have expected a little more from ...

MORE NBF CAPTIONED PICS! by Norm Of The Rocks	11/9/2005 at 12:23

Ha ha ha. You’re a funny guy you know that. Why don’t you try and say that to me in the parking lot? Me and my peeps we was all like "wuz up dawg" and then I busted a few caps up in his ass. What? There was already a couple occupying the dumpster out back! Listen here MUTHA-$%CKER, I mix little guys like you into my morning tea! Come on guys. Look how serious I am this time. I am holding a paper and everything. Holy $hit! Condi kind of looks like Zira from "Planet Of ...

PERSONALIZED LICENSE PLATE TRANSLATION by Norm Babelfish	11/2/2005 at 15:37

Have you seen this car? Ever stared at one of these for 3 minutes trying to interpret exactly WTF was so important this person had to pay $50 to notify everyone on the freeway of it? Question: How many personalized license plates have you seen that you actually thought was cool? How many were retarded? Now compare your numbers. Your ratio should be something like 10,000,000 to 1, in favor of "retarded". In order to save you 3 minutes in the future, and a possible traffic accident, I have translated the following personalized license plates for you: - BEAN BBY: ...

WHERE HAVE ALL THE REGULAR HYGIENE PRODUCTS GONE? by Dapper Norm	10/17/2005 at 13:25

"Ultra Healing, Extra Dry Skin Moisturizer" - What demographic is this product aimed at? Burn Victims? What ever happened to just plain "lotion"? The only people who could possibly need this don’t want it, because the only thing that could help their 90 year old weathered and parched skin is a good saddle-soap lather! And while we are at it, WTF is up with Shampoo/Conditioner? I don’t know anybody who has fried, bleached, damaged, permed, thin, frizzed, dyed, dandruffed, hair? Do we really need a product that encompasses all of that? Sure, somewhere in Kentucky there is one happy ...

HOW TO PROPERLY CALCULATE THE SPEED LIMIT by Officer Norm	10/3/2005 at 15:29

Since there are so many tools out on the roads without the ability to properly calculate the speed limit, NBF has decided to offer this free math lesson: Let’s start with these basic facts: 1) Traffic Cops and Traffic Cameras are routinely set for "7-over", meaning they will not alert the officer or take a picture unless you are traveling > 7 Mph over the posted speed limit. 2) The word "limit" is deceiving in the term "Speed Limit". In fact, it is not a limit at all. It is more of a "baseline" than a limit. This baseline is essentially ...

TEN SIGNS IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG IN-BETWEEN SEASONS OF THE SOPRANOS by Norm The Shark	9/26/2005 at 09:23

10. You buy a T.V. Guide to find out when that show "Joey" is on, just to see what Adriana (Drea De Mateo) is up to. 9. You think about buying tickets to one of those gay broadway shows that Carmella (Edie Falco) is always doing. 8. "Desperate Housewives" gets more than 10 people to watch, sweeps Emmy’s. 7. You stop going to work and start hanging out at a strip club, oh wait--you were going to do that anyway. 6. You sit through 3 hours of Springstein at the Coliseum just to see Silvio (Steve Van Zandt) play guitar. 5. You wake ...

FASHION TIP: LOOKING LIKE A GIANT INSECT IS OUT THIS FALL by Norm Versace	9/21/2005 at 10:25

Please help me spread the word: It is no longer, nor was it ever, cool to wear giant bug-eyed glasses. I keep seeing this chick, like (5) times a day. It is such a shame too, because she isn’t half bad once you get past the alien eye-socket goggles she sports around town. Where is this girls friends? Parents? Boyfriend? No one was there for her when she needed them most? The worst part about this: She actually thinks they look cool. When she hears the chuckles as people walk by, she thinks "wow, what happy people". She doesn’t even realize ...

TOP SECRET NOTE FROM PRESIDENT SNAPPED BY JOURNALIST! by Norm Kennedy	9/16/2005 at 10:39

In the midst of a United Nations Security meeting what is on the President’s mind? Ahh, this is a question we have all wondered. Now, with the assistance of a journalist and modern digital photography, we don’t have to wonder any longer!: "I think I may need a bathroom break. Is this possible?" Wow. It reads like a fine hollywood script, doesn’t it? ---------------------- Tony Blair: Look at George. He works so hard for his country. Maybe he’ll be up for comparing notes later! Dubya (inner dialogue): Must relieve myself. Pressure in bowels much too high. Too many pretzels. Why is ...

THE BITCH TRIFECTA: HARLEY’S, FLIP-FLOPS, AND CARD GAMES by Norm	9/14/2005 at 11:57

"American Chopper" and "Great Biker Build-Off" are just TV Shows: Just because you saw a cool motorcycle on T.V., it didn’t mean you needed to take out that second mortgage to bankroll "The Harley Fund". Paul Sr., Junior, and "Mikey" are not helping you hand-craft your hog. They don’t even know you exist. Frankly, if they saw your creation they would laugh at you. Another thought to ponder: You have never owned a motorcyle up until this point, why now? I mean, you are like 45 years old now! No one wants to see your fat old ass in ...

WE SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED THIS FROM KATRINA by Norm Burgundy	9/8/2005 at 14:55

Louisiana Governor: "Destruction Far Worse Than Expected". Really? Have you ever known a "Katrina" that wasn’t a walking disaster? Think about it. K-Day has been in the works for a long time. Remember that time you were at happy hour and she threatened to burn down her ex-boyfriends house? Or the time you found those cigarette-shaped burn marks on her arm? Some meteorologists might call those "warning signs". Fox News Alert: What type of storm is classified just below hurricane? Tropical Depression! We all know Katrina has been depressed for years, ever since she got that "bad" tattoo. It ...

NEWSFLASH: YOU ARE NOT LANCE ARMSTRONG by Norm Lemond	9/7/2005 at 11:30

Have you seen this guy before? Sure you have! This photo is not from some great European cycling race. It is from your local City Park. This guy is not Lance Armstrong, but it would be hard to tell for sure without further inspection... This cycling genius is none other than, Dave, your next door neighbor. It turns out that they sell $3000 mountain bikes at that snazzy bike shop next to the grocery store. And the best part, ANYONE can buy them! You don’t need any special license or permission from the French, etc! And what better way to ...

GAS IS $3 A GALLON? GOOD! by Norm Arbusto	9/2/2005 at 10:22

The nation-wide gas average is now around $2.75 a gallon, on it’s way to $3. While this is annoying, because it costs us a few more bucks to fill up, there are some POSITIVES we can take from this: $3 A Gallon: The Positives - That guy with the new H2 that you were so jealous of, yeah, serious buyers remorse on that one. Try and remember to ask "so, I bet gas prices are really hurting your wallet" next time you see him. Watch for the twitch in his lip. Finish him off with the comment "Man, my Corolla ...

A LITTLE GAME I LIKE TO CALL: WHO IS THE REAL IDIOT? by Norm Barker	8/25/2005 at 10:25

THE IDIOT: George W. Bush Dubya had over 1/2 of the Country telling him he needed more troops in Iraq. He also had 1/2 of the Country telling him he needed a good post-war plan. In the end it was like yelling at the family pet: He looked at us glassy-eyed like he was understanding us, but really he was just thinking about sniffing Cheney’s ass. THE REAL IDIOT(S): People who voted for Bush After 4 years of stupidity they still chose to vote for him, simply because they couldn’t handle the democrats winning the election. This isn’t a football game ...

YOU ARE NOT A RACE CAR DRIVER AND YOUR CAR LOOKS LIKE $H!T! by Norm Yakazuma	8/23/2005 at 10:51

Have you seen this car before? Sure you have, remember, on the freeway? This is the car that passed you going 90MPH. It didn’t have a muffler so it sounded like a Harley Davidson? Remember now? Let’s discuss a few things about this car, and its driver: ---------------------------------------- About The Car: This is a Honda Civic. That is right, a HONDA CIVIC. MSRP on this vehicle was around $13,660. There are a lot of things this car IS: A family wagon, a great car for the city, an affordable vehicle for college students, a disposable automobile that serves itself well to "first time ...

DON’T MESS WITH (THIS GUY FROM) TEXAS! by Norm	8/16/2005 at 16:07

Before I begin, if you haven’t heard of Cindy Sheehan and her plight, here is the quick run-down: Her son, Casey, died in Iraq fighting in the "war against terror". She is now demanding to speak with President Bush about the matter, camping out on the side of the road in front of Bush’s house holding "vigil". So... Cindy setup a bunch of crosses, etc on the side of the road, to honor the fallen soldiers. All part of her master plan to woo President Bush into a meeting by using nothing but irrationality and sheer determination. ...

PHIL WINS! CBS SUCKS! by Norm Mickelson	8/16/2005 at 11:24

Ok, first things first! Phil secured his second Major Championship victory Monday morning by playing even par on his last 4 hours, making a gorgeous flop-shot to setup a birdie on 18! It was truly a nice end to the tournament for us Phils-FANatics! Now, there are million articles online about the victory, so if you want to read more about the details, look elsewhere. This thread isn’t about that. It is about the "Monday" finish, and why it happened. Here is the deal: Saturday night every meteorologist in the Tri-State area predicted rain for Sunday evening. The ...

RUBBER BRACELET INSANITY by Norm Armstrong	8/11/2005 at 10:41

Ok, WTF is up with the rubber bracelets already people? Since when is rubber jewelry in fashion? It’s a glorified rubber band with some text on it! They usually state some obvious modern-day proverb that only a moron would need to be reminded of! It won’t give you super-powers, or protect you from evil. I don’t know about you, but I don’t need a piece of rubber to remind me of the obvious, such as: Cancer is bad, war is bad, troops need support, Lance can ride a bike really really well, etc. And it doesn’t stop there. I saw ...

THE HARRY POTTER --> AL-QAEDA CONNECTION by Norm	8/10/2005 at 14:48

I finally have PROOF! Harry Potter (or Author J.K. Rowling) is in bed with Al-Qaeda! Now before we get into the facts, let’s set a few things straight: If you are over age 12, and own a Harry Potter book, you are gay (the modern definition of gay - not meaning homosexual or happy). If you are over 12, and enjoyed the Harry Potter movies, you are also gay. The only excuse that can save you from your own gay-ness is if you own them because you have children. Still though, kind of gay. The sad thing ...

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